Goodbye, from BILBOOO

Alright so I'll admit, this is a bit hasty.

I've been wanting to do this for a while, but I didn't want to cage myself by making some planned out essay/baby script because I feel that would be limiting. Regardless I'm gonna feel like there are things I should've said or are missing out from this final post of mine, regrets that I might have when I think about this years later. Yet the feeling of closure will almost definitely outweigh that self-doubt.

My last post "I'm Done" definitely had validity in its creation on this forum as a delete account suggestion, but I really dont have much excuse for this besides the ghost town state the forum is 4 years afterwards. I do know at least one person will see this though. 

The main takeaway for this is, before anyone reads this, is that this is not only meant for the readers who may know/remember me, but is also meant for myself.

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Starting this game with a friend of mine, I was 13 years old (7th or 8th grade, cant be bothered to math it out), and I quickly got hooked. It was just meant to be a quick distraction to get through a boring class period, yet something about it just caught my attention. My little online persona was definitely a stark contrast from the scrawny socially awkward fuck that I was at 13, and the somewhat elevated language I had at the time was probably a good barrier to people finding that out about me for a bit. These days I even have some jealousy of how confident I was, being able to make friends and build up my image in this community for so long. 

If you're still reading this far then I'll spare you the middle details, I became a decently skilled player and had some reputation, blah blah blah, if you know you know. By the time things died down and I eventually took my leave from that post I mentioned above, I still had many years of life to take on.

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Now for the meat and potatoes, this is meant to be the update nobody asked for, right?

I used live in a fairly dangerous area in NY where it was best that I was kept inside and I never really developed any skills. My small family (me, my mom and stepfather) eventually moved to Texas where I would finish my 7th and 8th grade in middle school. My freshman and sophomore years in high school were definitely a trial and error period for me, I had no sense of identity and I switched around lifestyles and groups, never really finding a proper ground to stand on. I was definitely slow In the art of making friends in real life, only finding my place in a small group of 4 that lived nearby me. I suffered from a lot of bullying, and I was very depressed even from a young age.

Of course the pandemic wasn't any help, practically jailing me in my own household junior year. The time I had to myself made me reflective and only set in the sadness deeper; I was practically in the same hopeless state I was in NY and I hadn't made much of any substantial life progress even at the age of 16. Those kinds of negative and pessimistic thoughts festered and festered and, without sharing too much, definitely put me in some VERY hard places in just those 1.5 years. Mental health is no joke, and the brain really is a strong thing.

It may seem obvious but I implore, if anyone has issues and struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts or anything of the sort, seek help. Whether it be the company of friends and family, a dog, a therapist, a location, whatever gives you happiness is infinitely better than being alone with negative thoughts. Theres always light at the end of that tunnel, and while I cant speak for and I can't know what other people are going through, I can for sure say that theres many years of life to be lived, and so much can happen in just 1 year that its worth seeing what happens in that unpredictable future. I for sure would regret not seeing what I would be now.

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With that out of the way, things definitely looked up for me senior year. Friday, March 11, 2022. I'm 17 years old right now, turning 18 in April, and I feel I'm finally getting a grip. I have very close friends, I visit their houses and have parties, I do decently well in school (even taking into my account my senior withdrawals and overall laziness), and I still havent dropped that elevated speech that would make my past English teachers so proud. I finally have my drivers license but I still need to scrape in some money to get a car.  I quit some shitty fast food job that was paying me dogshit money after 5 months, and now I'm applying to a new shitty retail job paying me equally shitty money. I sure do love the American way :/

With cars costing nearly 10k, rapidly inflating gas prices, and almost everything else being hiked up, this sure is a hard climate to live in with $9 an hour minimum wage.

Grievances about the economy aside, I'm pretty stoked for the future. My college applications are done, I already know where I'm going and the field I want to study (cybersecurity, I hope), and I am about to be a legal adult so.... thats pretty cool I think. But its times like these that you start to think about where other people are in life. I always wonder how other people are doing. I think about my old friend from 7th grade, my small friend group in 8th and 9th, all of my schoolmates currently, even the ones I live next to. I wonder how those players Ive encountered in GTA or TF2 or MC or all of those other games are. 

Despite it being so long I wonder how all of you are, and I would love to see you in the comments even if it is just a sentence. Its been a long time but I know theres at least one of you old gray haired veteran goofs stalking the forum every once in a while like I have. This is probably the one of 2 reason I bother making the post.

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One thing my teacher have always told me in my essays, besides me being too wordy, is that I'm not the best with conclusions. In in the nature of a post like this... I really dont know what else to do but sum up my main points.

• Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel, if you struggle with mental health then always seek help and guidance so you can know you'll get through it
• Live life with no regrets. Dont wait for opportunities to open like I did, make them yourself. That way you wont have to wait to enjoy yourself. Especially if you're my age or younger, childhood is short.
• If you know me or I know you you should like yk... say hi and wave and let me see ur pretty name <3
• If you've read this far then youre GOD
• Go outside and touch grass. Not as an insult, but genuinely. I definitely needed to hear that sooner and its been uphill from there. Roll around the hills and smell the roses, or explore the woods, its pretty fun.
• Clash mechanic still sucks ass, good game tho
• All of you mfs on wilds.io still beating ass for the highest scores after all these years need a damn medal.

Most of all, thank you. All of you. No name dropping, just all of you. You know who you are. You've really changed me. I look back on my days in this community with nothing but happiness and I wish nothing but happiness for all of you.

Thank you, much love, Nyquil for life, have a good day, goodbye,

BILBOOO

(Also that name has no backstory besides me being uncreative with usernames and editing the default :D)